I guess I never learn

This is gonna be my last personal post. You know it's funny... I've always been a charismatic person and always open about everything that's going on with me, and people have told me that they like that. But not today. 

Today, someone told me (in so many words) that I'm a lot to handle. That there's always something wrong with me (which I already knew). And that people get tired and fed up of dealing with me because there's always something wrong with me. Tired because I just can't be normal. 

And to be honest, that really upset me. Not because I expect people to always be helpful and cheery and shit like that. But because I feel like this person thinks I'm doing on purpose. Like as if I asked to have Crohn's Disease or be Bipolar or have zero bone density in my back. I'm aware that there's a lot wrong with me. But I never asked for it. I don't like not being able to eat what I want. I don't like spending whole days on the toilet, doubled in pain. I don't like being judged because of the stigma that surrounds my mental illness. I don't like being unstable. I don't like having to depend on others to get my stuff done. I don't like missing school and being behind. This is not the life I would have chosen for myself. I feel as though this person thinks I am milking my diseases when really, I am hating every aspect of it and have a hard time looking in the mirror because of it. I'm not looking for pity. This person told me that "Shit happens, to everybody, but they just suffer through it and deal." Isn't this what I have been doing for the last six years? They say: "Yes, but there's a whole lot of whining along the way." I'm sorry. I didn't realise I was whining. I thought I was just sharing my thoughts on how "Hey, this really sucks, but guess what? I'm still here." I guess not everyone understands my attitude.

Do you know what hurts the most though? This came from a person whom I really admire and really respect, and love a whole lot. They had been really helpful these past months, and I was really grateful to them. I don't even know what to think anymore.

So now I guess I just need to learn to shut up and retreat within myself for a while.